Hey, John. I love your idea and I think you have a great story opening in front of you. I cannot wait to see what you do with these stories. I do have a few suggestions, but I promise it is not a critique of your writing, just a little aesthetic advice. First, is there any way for you to change the visual of your words on your home screen picture. Currently, it is hard to read the title because it blends into the background. The second piece of advice is to change your wording in your second paragraph- “full of himself” could be changed to prideful, “never thinking of anybody's needs but his own” sounds more concise as self-centered. When you use the “…” the first time, you might want to start a new line, instead on continuing one with another sentence, it might look better with your current format. I have one final suggestion, you did a wonderful job laying out what stories you are going to be writing about, but as I finished your introduction I was wondering where you were going with them. Are they just going to be the stories from Hephaestus perspective, or are you going to be playing around with the stories?
You lay your narrative enigmas well, John! I nearly dismissed them for lack of detail, but realized that they might be set up to be extrapolated on in your stories, so I am eager to see where our narrator takes us regarding his disabled status and Zeus' misdeeds.
However, while your enigmas are enticing, I feel some characters and parts of the world are not given enough detail to have a sense of weight when tied to the enigmas. I am aware these are figures from Greek mythology, but the average reader likely won't have the knowledge of why Zeus and Pandora are big deals to begin with, or why Olympus and the gods' artifacts are revered. If you can instill just enough background to some of these, you'll have even more of a reason for the reader to care about the situation, while keeping a sense of mystery. The POV is Hephaestus, as I understand it, with a distinctly cynical personality at the beginning, which seems a bit lost as we go in. Maybe we can inject more personality through his exposition of some details?
I got confused on whether Lemnos was a person or a place when you name-drop them the first time. Some changes in diction and comma placement can help clarify what Lemnos actually is.
We haven't established our narrator's name. I'd like to know something about our narrator before we get into the meat of the storybook.
I enjoy the idea you've put forth of a disgraced god, calling out the sins of his kin, and I think adding more background to characters and world, alongside more diction indicative of the narrator's personality will send this idea skyrocketing. Good start!
Hi John! I think the style you chose to write your introduction in is awesome! What a great idea to use the first person perspective of the main character in your introduction as well! It really helped me get acquainted with Hephaestus. I know that his name is the title of the story, but I think it would be good for him to introduce himself and maybe tell a bit about himself in his perspective at the beginning before getting into the family tree. I would also like to have a bit more background information on Lemnos. Why did he end up there out of all places? I think your stories will be great, and I am really curious to see how he ended up in the state he is in now! Are you going to only tell stories of the past or will there be stories of his present and future as well? It would be important to lay the groundwork for that as well. Overall, great work!
I really enjoyed reading the introduction to your storybook! It was easy to follow and I think the style you chose works really well for the story. I am looking forward to reading about what wrongdoings the gods did to Hephaestus. I agree with what Lillie mentions above, even though his name is in the title, I think adding a little bit of an introduction to him in the intro would help readers verify that is who the story is about. I caught myself wondering who exactly the narrator was. I am really curious as to what crippled him, and why it was bad enough for Zeus to kick him out of Mt. Olympus. I am also curious how he came across Lemnos and how he made it his new home. Was that the first place he came across when he was first kicked out of Mt. Olympus, or had he visited once before and knew he could count on them to help him out? Overall you used great imagery and details in your story, and I really do look forward to reading more of your work!
Hey John! WOW!!! I seriously LOVED the way your intro was written and the way you made the suspense build up at the end! I saw a few grammar errors, in one of the sentences after a "..." you have the next word capitalized. I could be totally wrong, but I think it should be lower case! Also in the first paragraph of your intro it reads easier to say, "never thinking of anybody else's needs but his own." Rather than "never thinking of anybody's needs but his own." I am super curious to see if you are going to just tell the stories of what caused him to "snap" or if you will tell us also what he did when he snapped! This reminds me of a flashback television series, and the season finale is connecting all of the stories back together! Good luck with this storybook, I cannot wait to read the stories!
Hi John! Hephaestus is one of the Greek gods I do not know much about. All I know is that he is the god of blacksmiths. So I am definitely excited to learn something from your stories. Concerning the structure, I actually had a difficult time reading the introduction because of how broken up it was. I get that they're each supposed to be their own line of thought, but maybe group similar or related ones into their own paragraph. I just felt like I was stumbling through all of it, which in turn also made it harder to retain information. Since I don't know what exactly your stories will cover, I assume you will touch on the stories mentioned within the intro. If not, I would suggest only touching on the stories who plan to write about. Overall, I look forward to reading more -- and hopefully learning something about Hephaestus!
Hey John! The style you wrote your introduction in is really unique and it plays out really well. I really like the use of first person through your protagonist. I have read about Hephaestus but this gave a great insight to his character. I think it would be really cool to see him introduce himself in the introduction, some people might get confused. Lemnos is also an interesting character in this introduction. I think a more in depth backstory would provide some good story. The strongpoints in your introduction revolve around the self narrative like, “Ares makes me so frustrated! It must be nice to be Zeus' favorite... But there's not much I can do about that in my current state.” I can tell by your introduction that your story will turn out great. I am excited to see how this all plays out and what other characters you choose to introduce.
John, what a great premise. I like that Hephaestus is getting a chance to speak up for himself. I also like the idea of a “good” god. I was asking good as in their character or good as in skill. There are good humans and talented humans, sometimes you’re both, someone times you’re only one, even some are none. So by “good” does Zeus mean talented and powerful or ethical? This is good, by the way, that I have so many questions! I’m excited to hear his life story because it explains how he got to the point he was at in his introduction and why he might act a certain way. The reader will definitely have a soft spot for him. I also like that Athena’s character was caring and nurturing because she is known to be a tough one in some of her stories. Best of luck! I’m already excited to hear his side!
Wow, John, I really loved the introduction to your storybook! I was instantly drawn in by the very first line when Hephaestus talks about the ways Zeus mistreated him even though he was his father. It made me so sad to think about such abuse and terrible treatment from someone who should have been supportive of him. I am very curious to know how Hephaestus was injured! Was it from Zeus or some sort of accident? It might be helpful to give some sort of clue of what the injury is so that readers have an idea of what's coming. I am also interested to hear more about Pandora, his beautiful creation, and how it created tension between Aphrodite and Hephaestus. I can't believe she acts like that with Ares in front of him! I am a little bit confused how the image ties in the to the introduction, but that might be something you develop later on. Overall, great story and I am excited to read more later on!
Hi John! I'm from the Indian Epics course. I loved your storybook idea and your writing style. I hope I can come back for more! I really love the idea of writing in the first person point of view. That’s really so unique, and I am actually kind of mad at myself for not thinking of it for my own storybook! In our first week of class, I hope I’m not wrong, I think we were all assigned the same writing assignment, which was a nursery rhyme storytelling! I wrote about the nursery rhyme regarding the old woman who lives in a shoe with so many children, she doesn’t know what to do! I took a new perspective on the rhyme and wrote about someone who is hardly ever celebrated in this story: the children! And I think that’s exactly what you did with Hephaestus. I think it would be really cool if he was writing all of these thoughts in a diary, and then there are breaks in between these thoughts with actual dialogue from real situations regarding the stories you’re learning. It’s just a thought, though! Keep up the good writing!
Hi, John! I love the idea of telling Hephaestus’s story through his perspective, and I also love the fact that you made him seem like somewhat of a bratty child who despises his father. I was wondering, was there a reason for you to start every new sentence or two on a new line in your introduction and first chapter? What if you combined your sentences together into more of a paragraph form? That way, there would be more of a storybook feel to it, and also, visually enhance your story. You could definitely separate a sentence from the rest of the paragraphs too if you wanted to emphasize that specific part. Other than this, I have no major concerns with your storybook. The writing itself was well-done and summarized Hephaestus’s life very well while still maintaining your personalization of him. Great job, and I can’t wait to read the rest of the chapters!
:( Hephaestus's story always makes me so sad. I feel so bad for him being mistreated like that. I'm curious as to why you changed his origin story so much though. It's not that I don't like the changes; I think they make a lot of sense and are good rewrites, but I'm just curious as to why you felt they were necessary because the original definitely still makes him sympathetic. I really like the picture you chose for the introduction as well showing Ares and Aphrodite embracing while Hephaestus looks on angrily. That pretty much sums up their relationship. Overall, I like your premise and am excited to read more! I like how Hephaestus grew from a god with no powers into one that was able to create beautiful and powerful weapons. It's too bad that Zeus doesn't appreciate him yet because he'll need his powers later! There were a few issues with capitalization and grammar throughout but nothing too terrible. Great job!
Okay, first things first. I love your into now. It is so much easier to read now. It flows so much better and the content is much more immersive. Wonderful job! Also, the shear amount of sarcasm and humor you give Hephaestus is delightful. That said, I am kinda sad that it is all in his head so far.While I know it might be to early, it would be interesting if Hephaestus had made some underhanded remark and that set off Zeus rather then him just being upset over Hephaestus skill. Like a trigger on repressed aggression. It might give both charters more depth. However, my biggest complaint is that you have a lot of run-on sentences or if they are not run-ons at the very least they are very badly phrased sentences. Every couple sentences I would have to reread to understand what it was trying to get across. But, I love where you are going with the story. Do not give up, your epic tale is only just beginning and I can't wait to see where it goes!
Hi John, wow! I really like how you've expanded the story compared to when I last read it. Definitely answered a lot of my questions. I love that you’re writing about these characters because I am as well in my storybook, but our characters’ personalities and relationship with each other are very different. I love reading how people take things.
I found it strange that Zeus was angry with him after discovering his secret because I figured he would want to exploit his abilities. However, Zeus and pretty much any other gods don’t always do what seems rational, so after some thought it made sense. It was a very “Zeus-y” thing to do.
I really don’t have any suggestions. I love the entire story. I love that Hephaestus and Athena were the only ones that knew of his abilities and I love that this is sort of a prequel of his life. I don’t know much about Hephaestus, but am familiar with the common facts.
So this doesn't necessarily pertain to your storybook, though I just wanted to thank you for your comment on my intro and Week 10 story. I'm glad the ending to my story took you by surprise. I was super close in writing something crazier and more suspenseful, but I figured I'd leave it on a more positive note since most stories as such don't end that way. As for your question in my intro, yes I would totally recommend Passengers. It's not in theaters anymore so you're pretty golden on watching it without having to pay for it, especially if you wait for it to go on Netflix or find it some other way. It's pretty different than what is expected (at least to me) and it kind of gets you thinking at the end. Somewhat of a nostalgic/melancholic vibe, pretty close to a tragic love-story but not so tragic. If you get to watch it, I hope I didn't recommend something horrible and that you like it!
Hi John! Really great job on the introduction of your storybook. I was really intrigued as I read through it and it made me really excited to see your stories. I liked your approach on addressing individual characters from Hephaestus's point of view. It gave us a preview of what is to come with your stories because you told us who he likes and dislikes and why. My favorite part of the introduction was the end because it really tied the whole thing together and gave a preview of what we are going to see from Hephaestus's character. One final thing I liked was the twist of humor you put on the entire thing. It wasn't what I expected, but it took away from the intensity of the situation and made it fun to read!
Hey John, I enjoyed reading your stories. I’m not very familiar with Greek mythology, so I don’t know any of the original stories that yours are based on. I feel like you did a terrific job of telling them and it seems like you stayed pretty true to the originals while adding in your own flare. I think the changes you made were good choices. The fact that Zeus beat and crippled Hephaestus and threw him from Mount Olympus added more to the story in my opinion. I think it just adds a little extra emotional value to the situation in the long run. I also think you did a great job of showing empathy on Athena’s part. She was empathetic of Hephaestus’ weakness and she was never cruel to him. Then she was afraid for Achilles’ safety and begged for Hephaestus’ help. Even when she saw her father’s rage, she took the blame and tried to save Hephaestus… I love the real family feel that your stories have, because it makes stories that seem unrealistic or out of reach to us seem more relatable. I can only speak for myself but I don’t personally relate to gods and goddesses, so I thought that writing this in the way you did was a great way to add a little more humanity to a story about gods. Overall, I think this is a great storybook. Good job!
Hey John! First off, I thought that your story was really good and easy to follow, which was great. I could tell that you put a lot of though into your story and the changes that you wanted to make. Right from the start I thought you included a lot of good details that enabled me to set up the scene and picture the story in my own head. I have not read a ton of Greek mythology so I thought that was great. I liked how well Hephaestus was described. I wonder how he built that chair with everything that he had to endure. I also liked how different of a character you made Poseidon. Did you think about making an even bigger twist? Maybe Poseidon does something evil to Hephaestus. That would be fun. I wonder what would happen if Hephaestus got trapped in his own chair too what would have happened. Sometimes getting back at someone isn't always the way to go about things. Anyways, overall I liked the different ideas you had for your storybook!
I’ve noticed there are a few storybooks where Zeus is set up as the bad guy. I like it—he makes a clever, intimidating, and sometimes quite charismatic villain. You have him interact physically with Hephaestus in this story, by pinning him against a wall, which also illustrates how strong and influential he really is.
Hephaestus, though, is the main draw of the story, and I think you sell him well. You show the growth of his skills in the forge, which makes it seem less like a natural domain and more like a natural talent he honed into a serious skill. I also appreciate the divide between the first and second stories. They read almost like acts in a play or TV show. Nice structure! Another good thing about Hephaestus is how you have him go through hardships, but then have him succeed by his own skills. For example, he forges the winged sandals in response to Hermes’ problem with carrying the chair.
Hey John! I really liked your introduction! It was interesting to read and made me excited to read the story of our protagonist! I really like how you're taking the reader through the protagonist's past and giving us a good understanding of how he got to where he is now. I don't know the original stories, but your version is very sad. I really like the drastic differences of personality among the protagonist's siblings. I don't understand what Hephaestus' plan is for the chair, but I'm excited to see what happens! Your story was great! It was very entertaining, and I really like the moral of the story! I enjoyed that Hephaestus did end up ahead and getting the recognition for his talent that he deserved. I liked all the revisions to the original story you made with the characters. For example, Aphrodite is the one in the chair and Poseidon is a very neutral character. I like that the people of Lemnos came together to help the god that had helped them in the past.
Hey John! I decided to read your storybook as I saw your last story was titled Olympus, and that is the basis of my entire storybook! I believe I have read your storybook before, and was excited to read the finale. I too wrote a story on Aphrodite and Ares’ affair so I thought it was funny how you did as well! I wish there would have been more of a conclusion, like he said he would never forgive her, but did he get revenge? I am unsure what the necklace did, like did he give it to her? Overall, I loved how you incorporated other gods into this story, no matter how small their part! As I said before I am nosy and want to know what ended up happening to the cursed Aphrodite! And what became of Eros! Maybe a final story could be made all about Eros!
Hey, John. I love your idea and I think you have a great story opening in front of you. I cannot wait to see what you do with these stories. I do have a few suggestions, but I promise it is not a critique of your writing, just a little aesthetic advice. First, is there any way for you to change the visual of your words on your home screen picture. Currently, it is hard to read the title because it blends into the background. The second piece of advice is to change your wording in your second paragraph- “full of himself” could be changed to prideful, “never thinking of anybody's needs but his own” sounds more concise as self-centered. When you use the “…” the first time, you might want to start a new line, instead on continuing one with another sentence, it might look better with your current format. I have one final suggestion, you did a wonderful job laying out what stories you are going to be writing about, but as I finished your introduction I was wondering where you were going with them. Are they just going to be the stories from Hephaestus perspective, or are you going to be playing around with the stories?
ReplyDeleteYou lay your narrative enigmas well, John! I nearly dismissed them for lack of detail, but realized that they might be set up to be extrapolated on in your stories, so I am eager to see where our narrator takes us regarding his disabled status and Zeus' misdeeds.
ReplyDeleteHowever, while your enigmas are enticing, I feel some characters and parts of the world are not given enough detail to have a sense of weight when tied to the enigmas. I am aware these are figures from Greek mythology, but the average reader likely won't have the knowledge of why Zeus and Pandora are big deals to begin with, or why Olympus and the gods' artifacts are revered. If you can instill just enough background to some of these, you'll have even more of a reason for the reader to care about the situation, while keeping a sense of mystery.
The POV is Hephaestus, as I understand it, with a distinctly cynical personality at the beginning, which seems a bit lost as we go in. Maybe we can inject more personality through his exposition of some details?
I got confused on whether Lemnos was a person or a place when you name-drop them the first time. Some changes in diction and comma placement can help clarify what Lemnos actually is.
We haven't established our narrator's name. I'd like to know something about our narrator before we get into the meat of the storybook.
I enjoy the idea you've put forth of a disgraced god, calling out the sins of his kin, and I think adding more background to characters and world, alongside more diction indicative of the narrator's personality will send this idea skyrocketing. Good start!
Hi John! I think the style you chose to write your introduction in is awesome! What a great idea to use the first person perspective of the main character in your introduction as well! It really helped me get acquainted with Hephaestus. I know that his name is the title of the story, but I think it would be good for him to introduce himself and maybe tell a bit about himself in his perspective at the beginning before getting into the family tree. I would also like to have a bit more background information on Lemnos. Why did he end up there out of all places? I think your stories will be great, and I am really curious to see how he ended up in the state he is in now! Are you going to only tell stories of the past or will there be stories of his present and future as well? It would be important to lay the groundwork for that as well. Overall, great work!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading the introduction to your storybook! It was easy to follow and I think the style you chose works really well for the story. I am looking forward to reading about what wrongdoings the gods did to Hephaestus. I agree with what Lillie mentions above, even though his name is in the title, I think adding a little bit of an introduction to him in the intro would help readers verify that is who the story is about. I caught myself wondering who exactly the narrator was. I am really curious as to what crippled him, and why it was bad enough for Zeus to kick him out of Mt. Olympus. I am also curious how he came across Lemnos and how he made it his new home. Was that the first place he came across when he was first kicked out of Mt. Olympus, or had he visited once before and knew he could count on them to help him out? Overall you used great imagery and details in your story, and I really do look forward to reading more of your work!
ReplyDeleteHey John! WOW!!! I seriously LOVED the way your intro was written and the way you made the suspense build up at the end! I saw a few grammar errors, in one of the sentences after a "..." you have the next word capitalized. I could be totally wrong, but I think it should be lower case! Also in the first paragraph of your intro it reads easier to say, "never thinking of anybody else's needs but his own." Rather than "never thinking of anybody's needs but his own." I am super curious to see if you are going to just tell the stories of what caused him to "snap" or if you will tell us also what he did when he snapped! This reminds me of a flashback television series, and the season finale is connecting all of the stories back together! Good luck with this storybook, I cannot wait to read the stories!
ReplyDeleteHi John! Hephaestus is one of the Greek gods I do not know much about. All I know is that he is the god of blacksmiths. So I am definitely excited to learn something from your stories.
ReplyDeleteConcerning the structure, I actually had a difficult time reading the introduction because of how broken up it was. I get that they're each supposed to be their own line of thought, but maybe group similar or related ones into their own paragraph. I just felt like I was stumbling through all of it, which in turn also made it harder to retain information.
Since I don't know what exactly your stories will cover, I assume you will touch on the stories mentioned within the intro. If not, I would suggest only touching on the stories who plan to write about.
Overall, I look forward to reading more -- and hopefully learning something about Hephaestus!
Hey John! The style you wrote your introduction in is really unique and it plays out really well. I really like the use of first person through your protagonist. I have read about Hephaestus but this gave a great insight to his character. I think it would be really cool to see him introduce himself in the introduction, some people might get confused. Lemnos is also an interesting character in this introduction. I think a more in depth backstory would provide some good story. The strongpoints in your introduction revolve around the self narrative like, “Ares makes me so frustrated! It must be nice to be Zeus' favorite...
ReplyDeleteBut there's not much I can do about that in my current state.” I can tell by your introduction that your story will turn out great. I am excited to see how this all plays out and what other characters you choose to introduce.
John, what a great premise. I like that Hephaestus is getting a chance to speak up for himself. I also like the idea of a “good” god. I was asking good as in their character or good as in skill. There are good humans and talented humans, sometimes you’re both, someone times you’re only one, even some are none. So by “good” does Zeus mean talented and powerful or ethical? This is good, by the way, that I have so many questions! I’m excited to hear his life story because it explains how he got to the point he was at in his introduction and why he might act a certain way. The reader will definitely have a soft spot for him. I also like that Athena’s character was caring and nurturing because she is known to be a tough one in some of her stories. Best of luck! I’m already excited to hear his side!
ReplyDeleteWow, John, I really loved the introduction to your storybook! I was instantly drawn in by the very first line when Hephaestus talks about the ways Zeus mistreated him even though he was his father. It made me so sad to think about such abuse and terrible treatment from someone who should have been supportive of him. I am very curious to know how Hephaestus was injured! Was it from Zeus or some sort of accident? It might be helpful to give some sort of clue of what the injury is so that readers have an idea of what's coming. I am also interested to hear more about Pandora, his beautiful creation, and how it created tension between Aphrodite and Hephaestus. I can't believe she acts like that with Ares in front of him! I am a little bit confused how the image ties in the to the introduction, but that might be something you develop later on. Overall, great story and I am excited to read more later on!
ReplyDeleteHi John! I'm from the Indian Epics course. I loved your storybook idea and your writing style. I hope I can come back for more! I really love the idea of writing in the first person point of view. That’s really so unique, and I am actually kind of mad at myself for not thinking of it for my own storybook! In our first week of class, I hope I’m not wrong, I think we were all assigned the same writing assignment, which was a nursery rhyme storytelling! I wrote about the nursery rhyme regarding the old woman who lives in a shoe with so many children, she doesn’t know what to do! I took a new perspective on the rhyme and wrote about someone who is hardly ever celebrated in this story: the children! And I think that’s exactly what you did with Hephaestus. I think it would be really cool if he was writing all of these thoughts in a diary, and then there are breaks in between these thoughts with actual dialogue from real situations regarding the stories you’re learning. It’s just a thought, though! Keep up the good writing!
ReplyDeleteHi, John! I love the idea of telling Hephaestus’s story through his perspective, and I also love the fact that you made him seem like somewhat of a bratty child who despises his father. I was wondering, was there a reason for you to start every new sentence or two on a new line in your introduction and first chapter? What if you combined your sentences together into more of a paragraph form? That way, there would be more of a storybook feel to it, and also, visually enhance your story. You could definitely separate a sentence from the rest of the paragraphs too if you wanted to emphasize that specific part. Other than this, I have no major concerns with your storybook. The writing itself was well-done and summarized Hephaestus’s life very well while still maintaining your personalization of him. Great job, and I can’t wait to read the rest of the chapters!
ReplyDelete:( Hephaestus's story always makes me so sad. I feel so bad for him being mistreated like that. I'm curious as to why you changed his origin story so much though. It's not that I don't like the changes; I think they make a lot of sense and are good rewrites, but I'm just curious as to why you felt they were necessary because the original definitely still makes him sympathetic. I really like the picture you chose for the introduction as well showing Ares and Aphrodite embracing while Hephaestus looks on angrily. That pretty much sums up their relationship. Overall, I like your premise and am excited to read more! I like how Hephaestus grew from a god with no powers into one that was able to create beautiful and powerful weapons. It's too bad that Zeus doesn't appreciate him yet because he'll need his powers later! There were a few issues with capitalization and grammar throughout but nothing too terrible. Great job!
ReplyDeleteOkay, first things first. I love your into now. It is so much easier to read now. It flows so much better and the content is much more immersive. Wonderful job! Also, the shear amount of sarcasm and humor you give Hephaestus is delightful. That said, I am kinda sad that it is all in his head so far.While I know it might be to early, it would be interesting if Hephaestus had made some underhanded remark and that set off Zeus rather then him just being upset over Hephaestus skill. Like a trigger on repressed aggression. It might give both charters more depth. However, my biggest complaint is that you have a lot of run-on sentences or if they are not run-ons at the very least they are very badly phrased sentences. Every couple sentences I would have to reread to understand what it was trying to get across. But, I love where you are going with the story. Do not give up, your epic tale is only just beginning and I can't wait to see where it goes!
ReplyDeleteHi John, wow! I really like how you've expanded the story compared to when I last read it. Definitely answered a lot of my questions. I love that you’re writing about these characters because I am as well in my storybook, but our characters’ personalities and relationship with each other are very different. I love reading how people take things.
ReplyDeleteI found it strange that Zeus was angry with him after discovering his secret because I figured he would want to exploit his abilities. However, Zeus and pretty much any other gods don’t always do what seems rational, so after some thought it made sense. It was a very “Zeus-y” thing to do.
I really don’t have any suggestions. I love the entire story. I love that Hephaestus and Athena were the only ones that knew of his abilities and I love that this is sort of a prequel of his life. I don’t know much about Hephaestus, but am familiar with the common facts.
Great job!
So this doesn't necessarily pertain to your storybook, though I just wanted to thank you for your comment on my intro and Week 10 story. I'm glad the ending to my story took you by surprise. I was super close in writing something crazier and more suspenseful, but I figured I'd leave it on a more positive note since most stories as such don't end that way.
ReplyDeleteAs for your question in my intro, yes I would totally recommend Passengers. It's not in theaters anymore so you're pretty golden on watching it without having to pay for it, especially if you wait for it to go on Netflix or find it some other way. It's pretty different than what is expected (at least to me) and it kind of gets you thinking at the end. Somewhat of a nostalgic/melancholic vibe, pretty close to a tragic love-story but not so tragic. If you get to watch it, I hope I didn't recommend something horrible and that you like it!
Hi John! Really great job on the introduction of your storybook. I was really intrigued as I read through it and it made me really excited to see your stories. I liked your approach on addressing individual characters from Hephaestus's point of view. It gave us a preview of what is to come with your stories because you told us who he likes and dislikes and why. My favorite part of the introduction was the end because it really tied the whole thing together and gave a preview of what we are going to see from Hephaestus's character. One final thing I liked was the twist of humor you put on the entire thing. It wasn't what I expected, but it took away from the intensity of the situation and made it fun to read!
ReplyDeleteHey John, I enjoyed reading your stories. I’m not very familiar with Greek mythology, so I don’t know any of the original stories that yours are based on. I feel like you did a terrific job of telling them and it seems like you stayed pretty true to the originals while adding in your own flare.
ReplyDeleteI think the changes you made were good choices. The fact that Zeus beat and crippled Hephaestus and threw him from Mount Olympus added more to the story in my opinion. I think it just adds a little extra emotional value to the situation in the long run.
I also think you did a great job of showing empathy on Athena’s part. She was empathetic of Hephaestus’ weakness and she was never cruel to him. Then she was afraid for Achilles’ safety and begged for Hephaestus’ help. Even when she saw her father’s rage, she took the blame and tried to save Hephaestus… I love the real family feel that your stories have, because it makes stories that seem unrealistic or out of reach to us seem more relatable. I can only speak for myself but I don’t personally relate to gods and goddesses, so I thought that writing this in the way you did was a great way to add a little more humanity to a story about gods. Overall, I think this is a great storybook. Good job!
Hey John!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I thought that your story was really good and easy to follow, which was great. I could tell that you put a lot of though into your story and the changes that you wanted to make. Right from the start I thought you included a lot of good details that enabled me to set up the scene and picture the story in my own head. I have not read a ton of Greek mythology so I thought that was great. I liked how well Hephaestus was described. I wonder how he built that chair with everything that he had to endure. I also liked how different of a character you made Poseidon. Did you think about making an even bigger twist? Maybe Poseidon does something evil to Hephaestus. That would be fun. I wonder what would happen if Hephaestus got trapped in his own chair too what would have happened. Sometimes getting back at someone isn't always the way to go about things. Anyways, overall I liked the different ideas you had for your storybook!
I’ve noticed there are a few storybooks where Zeus is set up as the bad guy. I like it—he makes a clever, intimidating, and sometimes quite charismatic villain. You have him interact physically with Hephaestus in this story, by pinning him against a wall, which also illustrates how strong and influential he really is.
ReplyDeleteHephaestus, though, is the main draw of the story, and I think you sell him well. You show the growth of his skills in the forge, which makes it seem less like a natural domain and more like a natural talent he honed into a serious skill. I also appreciate the divide between the first and second stories. They read almost like acts in a play or TV show. Nice structure! Another good thing about Hephaestus is how you have him go through hardships, but then have him succeed by his own skills. For example, he forges the winged sandals in response to Hermes’ problem with carrying the chair.
Great job so far, keep going!
Hey John! I really liked your introduction! It was interesting to read and made me excited to read the story of our protagonist! I really like how you're taking the reader through the protagonist's past and giving us a good understanding of how he got to where he is now. I don't know the original stories, but your version is very sad. I really like the drastic differences of personality among the protagonist's siblings. I don't understand what Hephaestus' plan is for the chair, but I'm excited to see what happens!
ReplyDeleteYour story was great! It was very entertaining, and I really like the moral of the story! I enjoyed that Hephaestus did end up ahead and getting the recognition for his talent that he deserved.
I liked all the revisions to the original story you made with the characters. For example, Aphrodite is the one in the chair and Poseidon is a very neutral character. I like that the people of Lemnos came together to help the god that had helped them in the past.
Hey John!
ReplyDeleteI decided to read your storybook as I saw your last story was titled Olympus, and that is the basis of my entire storybook! I believe I have read your storybook before, and was excited to read the finale. I too wrote a story on Aphrodite and Ares’ affair so I thought it was funny how you did as well! I wish there would have been more of a conclusion, like he said he would never forgive her, but did he get revenge? I am unsure what the necklace did, like did he give it to her? Overall, I loved how you incorporated other gods into this story, no matter how small their part! As I said before I am nosy and want to know what ended up happening to the cursed Aphrodite! And what became of Eros! Maybe a final story could be made all about Eros!